by Jackie Keepers
Single and childless at 41 certainly wasn’t my plan when pursuing my legend. I assumed in college, like most of my friends, that I would marry the boy, have babies and puppies and live ” happily ever after”. Then the other day the doctor said “pre-menopause”, and my biological clock dropkicked me back to reality. How did that happen? I still say “like” all the time and weren’t the 90s just 10 years ago? I am young! There seems to be two camps: 1. You chose to have kids or 2. You made the conscious choice not to have kids. There doesn’t seem to be a camp for people like me where, because of life, I woke up one day 40, single and still didn’t have my baby.
I could tell the stories of heartbreak and loneliness, but I won’t, because I know that my life has been a gift, and that I have been able to pursue my legend to its fullest because I haven’t had children (yet?). Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- Follow Your Heart and Do it. In May of 2001 I had my Subaru all packed up and ready to move to Cody, Wyoming. I was supposed to be a Leadership Counselor at a camp for Dyslexic children. I was going to live in a tent just outside of Yellowstone Park. The night before I was going to leave, my best friend/crush asked me to move to Bishop, California with no job and no place to live, but the mountain climbing was awesome. So, like all responsible adults, I emailed the camp in Cody and moved to Bishop. That summer was one of the very best of my life. I worked in a plastic factory packaging fake fingernails with 5 other women who only spoke Spanish. I was TERRIBLE at it. I never met quota, the women were always correcting my technique, I was put on probation until I met goal. After punching out at the factory I would meet my BFF/Crush and go bouldering until the sun set. I lived out of my car, when we finally got a place we went shopping for furniture at the dump, and Taco Bell was a delicacy. With all of that, it was one of the happiest times of my life and I have NEVER regretted this decision. It wasn’t the responsible choice and there have been times I think back and wonder what could have happened….but it’s not worth living with regret. So follow your heart and do it, even if it’s a little irresponsible. This attitude has allowed me to jump off a bridge in Ecuador, take airplane rides over glaciers in Alaska, travel to Nepal and Thailand solo, wear a singlet in front of people while lifting weights, get my Masters degree, and sing “Love is a Battlefield” off key at way too many bars.
- We are All Unique and The Same All at Once. Biologically we are all the same species. We are all a mix of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and a bunch of other elements. As Carl Sagan says “We are all stardust.” The billions of humans on this planet share much of the same basics desires in life; good food, clean water, and quality relationships. We aren’t that special. …but then again we really are. I mean, WE ARE STARDUST! Each one of us has a unique experience on this planet and a different story, some of the themes may overlap, some of the names may be the same, but each of us have our own unique perspective. Some of us may have experienced tragedies, sickness and loss; some of us may have had great accomplishments and victories; some of us may actually be legends in our own time. Yes, you are a precious and rare jewel that is a gift to the earth, but have humility, because so is that dude sitting next to you. Be kind and use your time here wisely.
- Stop chasing “After I _______ then I will be happy”. Every day this is struggle for me. The voice in my head is very loud some days and quiet on other days, but it’s always there. “After I lose 10 pounds then I’ll be happy.” “If I train and run a marathon then I’ll be happy.” “If I do a 300 pound deadlift then I’ll be happy” (I am actually pretty sure this one is true). The list goes on. The thing is, it’s only a voice. There is no one event or thing that can bring happiness. Happiness is ongoing and changing. So yes, run that marathon, get that deadlift (I WILL!) but it’s not that thing that will bring happiness, it’s the process of achieving and working toward a goal that might just add to happiness.
So as I pursue my legend for the second half of my life I will constantly challenge myself to take chances, do new things and have new adventures. I will keep in mind that I never know what someone might be going through so I’ll try to remain humble and compassionate. And maybe most importantly, keep setting new goals for myself because life is a about the process and the many different things that can make us happy, it might be a 300 pound deadlift and it might be a baby, I can’t wait to find out!
Jackie Keepers is the Lower School Math and Science Resource Teacher at Breck. She moonlights as an AStrong and Crossfit Kids coach, sings some mad karaoke and travels the world in her spare time.
