by Colleen MacDonald
Zumbro 50-mile trail race started at 12:01am on Saturday morning, April 9. The race is a three-loop course up, over and through the Zumbro River Bluffs in Southern Minnesota. There is over 9,000 feet of total climbing. The temperature at start was somewhere around 17 degrees. It was my second 50-mile race.
I have started and stopped writing a race report perhaps half a dozen times since Sunday. My lack of ability as writer has never been so apparent.
Last week before my race, going through the agony of taper, I thought I could write about many things: My anxiety. The purposeful sleep. The mantras I had written down for specific miles. The visualization I practiced every night before I slept.
Looking back, one thing that stood out, and perhaps the biggest challenge from my week of taper was believing in my training and myself. This may sound simple, but for me, someone who has perfectionism weaved into their bones, and years of self-doubt zombies to be slain, believing was the hardest.
At worst my internal dialogue went something like this:
“I got this. I think. What if my tiredness from my 27-mile run means I can’t run 50 miles? So, I know this time around I had better nutrition, but I did drink a beer two weeks ago, and definitely had cake over Easter. Damm. Cake will not help me run 50 miles. ARGGGGG.”
At best, my internal dialogue went something like this:
“F&*%k yeah I got this. I know I’m tough. This training cycle I added in Alchemy, I know all those box jumps I hate HAD to have done something for climbing hills. What happens if this IS the sport you were meant to do? What happens if you CAN be successful as an ultra runner? You know- all that ‘don’t be afraid of your own power’ crap!”
At both my weakest and strongest moments, I reminded myself that how I trained would be how I ran. When those lunges and deadlifts got painful, I thought, “Get yourself together Colleen, this is weak sauce compared to 50-miles of trails.”
(And no disservice to Tyler, Andrea or Brock, but 50-miles was definitely more difficult!:) )
So. In the end, I ran the best race of my life. My focus was razor. My brain over rode my body. My nutrition was spot on. (I have struggled with nausea at past ultra races) The mantras I had practiced got me through the tough hills. (Amazing what telling oneself ‘This is your moment’ can do for inspiration at mile 40) Climbing over 9,000 feet over 50 miles, and I knew I could do it-after all, 3 months of Alchemy had given me quads of goddamn steel. I negative split my last loop, gained 20 minutes on the woman in the lead, and sprinted across the finish line, feeling amazing. My immediate post race check revealed no injuries, no abnormal pains, and no desire to curl into the fetal position and not move. Nothing remained in my brain for a solid 30 minutes but gratefulness and a deep, profound sense of being humbled.
This week, I am in the process of coming down from the high, and being kind to myself by letting my body and brain recover.
My next training cycle will start again, my brain and discipline will be tuned back up, and my schedule will once again be regulated with specific runs, specific Alchemy classes and necessary yoga. My eyes will be focused on a 100-mile race this Autumn. The cycle of building, racing, recovery, rest and building once again is comforting-so even this week as I struggled through an A10 class-there was a sense of peace.
The reason I think this race report or compilation of random thoughts might matter to you is:
You can effing do it. Don’t doubt yourself. Yeah, the struggle is real and all that s$*t but those demons you never tell anyone about, you can slay them. Those moments of self-doubt you whisk away with a selfie, you can conquer that. You think you are the only person daily putting in the hard work? You’re not. We all face s@&*t that seems insurmountable, and even so, we can still do amazing things, and surprise ourselves with just how strong we are. If that means showing up to an A20 class, trying out a couch to 5K program, asking for that promotion, or finally asking for help- do it. Do. It. That is utter beauty, and utter legendary.
Need a pep talk? Want to ask all the nitty gritty about ultra running? Considering dipping your toe into trail running? (Yes, I’ve lost most of my toenails at some point) Come find me, I’ll be sweating it out next to you in A10 and A20.
Colleen is an editor for a Brussels based news organization focused on democracy and human rights in Central Asia and a marketing communications/social media consultant for legal and financial firms. Colleen runs on the Mill City Race Team is a Mill City Running ambassador In her spare time she enjoys rock climbing and reading all things foreign affairs and policy.
